Over the years I repeated the same pattern: finding myself in difficult relationships.
I was bullied in early life and when I left school, I started to rebel – and that included falling in love and marrying my first husband.
My parents didn’t like him. He wasn’t the sort of person they wanted me to settle down with.
I had a strained relationship with my parents, so I didn’t care too much about their opinion.
I was in love with the idea of being in love, even when there were obvious warning signs.
He’d spend all his money on cigarettes and booze and I was put in the position of paying for everything else.
He was a heavy drinker and we ended up only seeing people who were also heavy drinkers. I started to feel isolated, especially when we moved away from London for his job in Newcastle, before there were internet and mobile phones.
We moved 9 times in 2 years, and I lost touch with many of my friends.
He convinced me they were “not worth having” as friends as they never called. I believed him.
The change came when I studied to be a therapist.
Little did I know, I had to get to know my own body and mind before I could treat other people!
Well! This turned my life on its head. I had to face the fact that my life was a mess and that I was in a toxic, abusive marriage.
Speaking with teachers, I began to unravel some of my behaviour. I always felt I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t deserve healthy love. From painful dynamics with my parents to bullying workplaces, this pattern followed me everywhere. It was time for me to recognise it and make a deep internal change, and part of that meant deciding to leave my husband and working on that part of myself that attracted difficult relationships.
I returned to London and found a great therapist.
He helped me see what I wanted from life, not just what I didn’t want. He gently helped me let go of the patterns and trust that I wouldn’t choose another abusive partner.
A year later a friend set me up on a blind date. I had never done that before!!!
After the first date I didn’t think it would go anywhere. However, he persisted, thank goodness. Today we have been married for 22 years and have a gorgeous 19 year old son. I feel entirely loved and so blessed to be part of such a harmonious family.
Part of my work now is helping people to see they need to dig beneath their challenges to surface and release the pattern that’s holding them back so they can make a dramatic change in their life.
When we heal hurt parts of ourself we find profound inner peace. There is value in our struggles, if we are willing to dig deep and heal.
I am running my Healing and Transformation workshop. It is designated to explore the patterns that are holding you back and create an inner shift.
For details and to book a place, please click here:-